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Going throughteenage turmoil was no better the second time - as much as your adultpersonality tries to rationalise things all the flooding hormones stillpropel you through the awful mood swings."Two legs, two arms, full set of fingers - two eyes, all your brain -whatever of it you had at any rate - and a good set of teeth. Lots oflads -" She'd stopped herself, but I knew what she'd been about to say.She'd saved people, she'd told me snippets of it, out there in Iraq andthe implication was clear. I should be grateful. "What's your fuckingproblem?" Bollocks!" I'd yelled, but a little quieter. Then I heaved myself fromthe sofa and started picking up the books. A real teenager wouldn't havedone that."Besides," she said, softly, touching my shoulder and picking up acouple of paperbacks herself. "You have great little tits. You shouldget to know them, an investment in time you won't regret. Lots of lads Iknow... If they had tits like yours, fuck me, they'd draw the curtainsand never leave. No, no, not that kind of slavery. Lower your NAACP flags for another day. I'm talking about the BDSM type. You know, the one I consented to. The one I agreed to be collared. I ran away from that. Now before you start raising your feminist flags, hear me out. My master wasn't necessary a bad man. No, he was kind and sensitive, he always made sure that I was ok, he provided when we played together. No,no, it wasn't his fault that I ran away. I ran away because I couldn't trust him. I ran away because I wouldn't communicate with him. I ran away because I no longer felt comfortable around him. Life got in the way and I could no longer play the way I used to. I was living on the streets, fending for myself. I was finishing college and working on a campaign. There was just no way I could continue on with so much on my shoulders.And yet some part of me feels guilty that I did it. Did I run away? No, I merely walked and burned the bridge. With him fuming on the other side. And I always.
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